Any UK citizen is entitled to receive a copy of records the police have on them through a right of access/subject access request.

Ensure you are in a supported space when you first read the documents and allow good time to digest the information it contains. The shock of being taken back to a traumatic event is not trivial.

For anyone who has survived abuse: find allies and prepare for unexpected reactions. Even public champions of equality can turn when confronted with an inconvenient truth.   

Gaslighting is a term derived from the 1938 British stage play, Gas Light in which a husband attempts to convince his wife that she's insane, by insisting she remembers things incorrectly. It is used today to describe a form of psychological abuse, in which a person manipulates someone else's perception of reality. It is even possible to gaslight yourself, especially after an event that you wish had never happened. Being unsure if the past is real is a common response to trauma, and one of many reasons why a common consequence of abuse is silence. 

In 2020, I made a right of access/subject access request to receive a copy of my police report. The relief at holding proof of the attack was a vital part of my healing process. It was also an intensely emotional experience, triggering buried memories and revealing new, upsetting information. The first time I saw my police portrait was hard. The moment the photograph was taken came back to me: the click of the shutter and my unwillingness to engage with it. 

Any UK citizen is entitled to receive a copy of records the police have on them through a right of access/subject access request. Information you can access includes incidents you’ve been involved in, statements you’ve given, records of interviews, and custody records. These are the only documents a victim/survivor may receive and may be the only proof that an attack ever happened. In my case, the report contained a dictated witness statement, photographs of violence inflicted, and a redacted Occurrence Report, supplied as the low quality images you see in this book.  

Making a subject access request is easy. If you've been in an incident and want to make an application, you must apply to the police force where the event(s) took place. This may mean applying to more than one police force. You need to visit the website of each police station and follow their instructions. You can find out the area each force covers at www.police.uk/pu/find-a-police-force.  

Anyone making a subject access request should ensure they are in a supported space when they first read the documents and allow good time to digest the information it contains. The shock of being taken back to a traumatic event is not trivial. Everyone will respond differently. It took months before I considered the documents healing, and even longer before I found the courage to use them to raise awareness.

For anyone who has survived abuse: find allies! Improved resources after #metoo and changes in the justice system have aided awareness, but you may still need to find a balance between reaching out and keeping yourself safe. Prepare for unexpected reactions. Even public champions of equality can turn when confronted with an inconvenient truth.   

To anyone approached by a survivor: be kind! There's no easy way to bring up abuse. Consider how hard it is just to reach out, and that they may be suffering from PTSD. Be as empathetic and empowering as you can. If you're not sure how you might respond, try to educate yourself. 

Importantly, if you think someone you know could be a victim of domestic abuse, call the police or visit one of the many online domestic abuse support platforms for more information, such as the Refuge website. Being aware, looking for the signs, and knowing what to do could make all the difference.