Self-Castigation
Carrie Ravenscroft

Trauma repeats itself until you catch it in action and are given just the right circumstances, combined with determination, to escape the hellhole of abuse. It was never about you, you, or you. It was the system, the organisations, the people, and I am the people, trying not to hurt other people in the way I got hurt.

This series of work was made in 2018. I wasn't aware of it at the time and it actually took a few years (and a lot of therapy) for me to understand the series of art I had made. I needed to be in a safe place, in order to reflect on the situation. Back then, everything felt sticky and suffocating, facts indecipherable from lies and my thoughts, feelings and beliefs so enmeshed with those belonging to others that I didn't know who I was.

Where did I begin, and they start?

 I'm still scared, but I'm privileged enough now to observe fear from a slight distance. And I feel a responsibility now to action my trauma into something helpful. I'm not sure how, other than through my art currently, but it's something I'm working hard on. Maybe the art is enough for now. Usually when I look back at these images, I have felt sick, but today I felt love, warmth and compassion. It's a slow process but that is healing.